Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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