I wish I could punch you in the face.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
