i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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