The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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