hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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