He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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