Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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