you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
