I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
