How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
