Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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