I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
