im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We are all done wearing pants today
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
