Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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