I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
two words...techno handjob
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
