Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
