Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
