i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
