I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
