You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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