nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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