This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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