Someone shit on the floor
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
