Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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