4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
