I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
