Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
