I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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