final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
