hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
