Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
