Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
