My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
