I can text with my tongue
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize