That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
