Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
