I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I miss vodka workout Fridays
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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