Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
