I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
