It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
