I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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