Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
