I forgot how hot balto sounded
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
