Are we in a gay sports bar?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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