I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
