things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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