My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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