i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
