Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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