Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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