Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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