I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
