She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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