What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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