OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize