I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
