Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
