it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
