He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
