why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
