literally had 100 drinks last night.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
