Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
