I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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