I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think I sprained my soul last night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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