News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
