So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
