I just pynch a tree in the face
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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