found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
