I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
