How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
