My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize