He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
