I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
