I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
