GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
