yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
