don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
