i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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