I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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