Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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