How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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