dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
