She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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