why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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