The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
