it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
