Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize