Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
