well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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