Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
