ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
