Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
