There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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