Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
