my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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