I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
