I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
