I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize