Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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