are you still at the devil's house?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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