hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
