There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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