I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You can't special order awesome
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
