So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
