I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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